Again I'm here. I don't know why but somehow this is the only place I feel at ease, here on the little hill, by the banks of the river. While I look at the red crimson sunset I can remember small fragments of my life pass by in my empty head.
On the surface my life was always filled with hopeful dreams of the future, many friends, a loving family and no problems.
My parents wanted me to be perfect, a little obedient girl that never did anything wrong. I was the only daughter of a loveless marriage and I suffered under it.
"I love you" These words hurt the most because I knew they didn't mean it, but all they saw of me was the big smile I gave them when they said that to me, the truth is
That on the inside I was screaming.
But everything changed the day I turned 18 of course my parents held a big party to celebrate that I became a 'grown up', but it was also the day I met Him. My first and last love. It was in the evening after the party, I was on my way up to my room when he suddenly stood in front of me in the hallway smiling.
He was handsome but I always loved his eyes the most. One was ice blue, and the other crimson red.
"Why do you never smile with your heart?" he asked.
I was speechless, I had never talked to a boy at my own age before.
"Shall I show you how to do it?" he asked, still smiling.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the house down the streets and into the large forest. I was scared, but somehow I just knew that he wouldn't harm me in any way. We stopped on a little hill by the river bank, and sat down.
He started to talk about the stars that filled the sky, and I just sat silent beside him and listened to his voice. I t was such a nice voice, deep and sweet.
Every time our eyes met it was like I was being sucked in by those red and blue eyes.
The dusk came and he pointed and at the sunset.
"Look and smile" He whispered.
I had never seen anything like it before, the way the crimson red and orange colors found their way through the trees and was reflected in the water. It was fantastic, like a colored symphony.
I got the feeling of pure happiness and smiled as I never had smiled before.
"You're so beautiful when you smile" I turned my head around to thank him, but he was gone.
Like a cat, I thought. I smiled once more at the scenery and went home.
Some of my memories are lost here but I remember that we continued to visit the hill for a long time, talking together, smiling and looking at the scenery.
He was my escape from my boring and loveless life, just by smiling at me he saved me countless times.
Sometimes he would come and snatch me away in the middle of the night just to sit and talk about the moon. Ohh those days were fantastic, but there is one night I do remember very clearly.
It was just before nightfall, we were sitting on the hill, talking. Then he suddenly stood up and went over to a bush, when I got back I saw he had a little cat in his arms.
It was black and had the same eye color as him, it too looked like it was smiling at me. It jumped unto my lap.
"It looks like you" I said and laughed. He too laughed and leaned over to caress the cats black fur, smiled again and gently kissed my lips.
I loved him more than anything in the whole world and I knew he loved me. But again my parents crushed my heart, somehow my mother had found out my love for him, and in her eyes that was not expectable.
I will never forget this day.
It was just before dawn and again he had snatched me away on a nightly meeting under the moon. We were watching the sunset, sitting close and on my lap lay the little black cat.
"I love you" I whispered.
Suddenly the cat wheezed and escaped into the bush. "I love yo..." He jerked.
I looked at him and I froze when I saw the hole in his chest. The blood stained his white shirt as I screamed " NO! NO! Don't die!"
His face started to become pale as he sunk down on the cold grass. "He won't last long.." A voice behind me said.
It was the assassin that my mother had sent, he just stood there and smiled coldly.
"Such a wimp.. HAHAH!" The man laughed and left.
I stayed all night with him until he was gone. All the time I cried.
It was the sunset that woke me up, my mind was empty as I walked down to the river to cool of my face. I had no idea what to do, my life had no meaning anymore.
If I went back to my house I would live a life controlled by my parents, without no saying of what happened to me.
I wish I could follow Him, I wanted to be together with him again.
I got the feeling that someone was looking at me and looked up, as to see who it was. And there on the other side of the river the little black cat sat looking at me.
I couldn't help but to look back and before I had realized it the ice blue and crimson red had pulled me in, not letting me go.
Sucking me into an unknown space of darkness and memories..
Again I'm here. I don't know why but it's like there is someone here calling for me. Sitting on this hill where I once sat with him I loved and whose name I've forgot over the years I've been here.
The wind caresses my black fur as I look at the crimson red and orange colors on the sky. I have seen so many tears, so many broken hearts, so much cruelty and so much pain.
I wish to let it go, but if I let go of the sad times I will also lose those glad and happy memories.
I would cry again but my tears will no longer appear they all tried up a long time ago.
I want to hide but something's holding me back. "Oh it's you!" A sad voice said behind me.
My little paws turned my body around and looked at the young girl standing in front of me.
Slowly she walked over and sat beside me while looking into my eyes.
"You have the same eyes as him.... I love him so much and now he is gone because of me!!" She said with tears in her eyes.
She gently caressed my black fur.
"You little cat that looks at me with his eyes, look at the sunset and help me remember the past.."
And with the sunset came my memories, my feelings, my life and His smile.